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Umi Abasiah, everybody’s mother and teacher

              Ummi Abasiah, who is she? Do you know anything about her? Why I need to spend my time to write about person that not everybody knows? What is the most interesting and important thing about her? Who is she and what did she do? Is he a hero or a great woman?

              Maybe you do not know anything about her. Maybe only a few of you who know about her and ever touched with her live. Yeah, she is not a famous woman like Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Kartini, Princess Di, or Tjoet Njak Dhien. But, in her community, she means more than these women, especially in her family, our family.

              As I can remember, Tumi (the way I call her. It is the shorter for Nek Tu (great grandmother, in Aceh language) Umi (name of her and also means mother in Arabia language). She is unpretentious and wise. Almost never got angry, except about Islamic life. She was very strict about it. She will be very angry if I or other do not reading Quran or praying perfectly. When I was child until junior high school, I always sleep with Tumi. Since I am 7-years-old, if I didn’t wake up for Subuh or Fajr prayer (before sunrise), she will force me. Firstly, by words, if I still sleep, she will wake me up or pour some water to my face. When I was a child, I hate it, but now, I really thanks for what she did. If she not strict, I will be lost control or know nothing.

Our family from my mother side has a dayah or pasantren or Islamic informal boarding school since a long time ago. Dayah Lambhuk. It is belong to Tumi ‘s ancestor. Our dayah is only for girls. Many girls from every village come here to study about Islam and women handy skill. In the past, it is common in Aceh, the parents send their sons or daughters to Dayah to study until they get enough to go back and get married.

Dayah is a place for informal education (focus about Islam) and stay. Usually, it is separated for girls and boys. In Dayah, they study the way of Islam life, learning and life together. For girls, they also learn about how to cook and to make handicrafts. They go to formal school, but after school, the back to Dayah and stay there. Sometimes, their parents come to visit or they back home. During holiday, most of them go back to their village. Most of them come from village-side, far away from Banda Aceh.

Everyday, we pray together. Tumi is the imam. After shalat, we meurateb (zikir or shalawat) and doing tadarus together. Before go to school or work, everybody has to clean the garden, room, and kitchen. So do in the afternoon and night. Everybody should shalat together.

I love Tumi, because she is very easy going. She has a great vision and very open-minded. I can discuss about many thing with her. She also likes to tell me many stories. Although she never studies at senior high school, her knowledge’s is very wide. My friends were surprised when they found Tumi was reading Tempo or Femina magazine. Yeah, she loves to read. She read every magazine and newspaper at our house. She loves to watch TV, especially Dunia Dalam Berita (news) or mimbar agama Islam. Sometime she watches TV drama, too.

She always has hidden-chocolates and candies in her cupboard. But, I can find it. Her sons always buy it for her when they come to Aceh. Yeah, she is very great in keeping a relationship. When our family members have any problems, she talks to them and try to find the solution wisely. She always reminds us to forgive and not to care so much if other people did bad things to us. Maybe, it is one reason why our big family relationship still strong until now. She loves all of us and never make any differences between us.

The other great things of her, she is very generous. She very cares for poor people or someone who need support. She always ready to help. She helps everybody. Not only helping the people that she knows, but also uknown people, like the fish seller, etc. She almost never keeps money for herself although all of her sons send her money everytime. She said she already has anything she need, so why don’t share it to people who really needs. Until she passed away, she almost has no deposit. Her last deposit was contributed to the women who always help her. It is really great!

Umi was grown in religious family. She has one big brother, Sanusi. At very young age, she marries to Sulaiman. The first son of her is my grand father. My grand father has several brothers and sisters. But, they passed away when they were babies. The only children of Umi is Cut Zain, my Kakek, Kek Yek Mustafa in Medan, the grandfather of Kayim cs, and the youngest, Abucik Anwar in Jakarta, the grandpa of Nana cs. One sister of them, Rabiatul Adawiyah was passed away because of bond-cancer at teen ages.

              Umi’s husband passed away when their children were very young. So, she has to work hard to take care her children as a single mother. At that time, they were not  a rich family. My kakek as the oldest son, take his father responsibility to lead their family. He worked hard to support his brothers and mom. He did many thing. After finishing his school in Singapore, he didn’t continue his study, but he forces his brothers to finish their school. He choose to support his brothers. He continues to study by himself by reading many books .He is a great man. His brothers very respect to him. He not only a big brother but also a father for them. All of his self-denial produces a good result. His brothers graduated from university and have good jobs and happy families, and he runs a coffee shop in our village.

              Hard life and the way of Umi teach her children make them very close each other. Until they have their own grandchild, they still care so much of her mother. Almost everyday they make a long-distance call and visiting her when they have free time. Their families members, too. In holiday, or Hari Raya, all of my grandfathers bring their family to our house and celebrate it together. My grandfather who are living not so far away from our house, always visit her mother 3 times a day. Sometimes if he is very busy, he just come to say hello and back to work.

              Compare with the other grandchild, maybe I am the luckiest one, because I had spent almost 24hours of my time with her. At night, I sleep at the same room with her and everyday I had learned many things from her. She is one of my idols. I want someday be like her, but I am not sure I could be. I still very far away from her personality.

              I still can hear how she read Quran everyday with a soft voice but very touching. She always has something to do; teach her student, talk with people in our neighborhood, giving advices, reading magazine, watching TV, cooking, sewing, growing the flowers or just enjoy her time with our big family.

              She loves soft color. Her everyday costume is sarung, kebaya rubia or baju kedah with white selendang (scarf). The accessories that she always wears are golden pins for her Kebaya, and golden wedding ring. Her performance is very simple and natural. But, her ikhlas smiles make her like an angel. When I go somewhere, I always miss her and remember to buy chocolates for her. I cannot wait to tell my stories to her.

              I knew, that I always make her worries about me. I am not like her other children or grandchildren. I cannot cooking and I do not sewing or make handicrafts like my mom and her sister did. I spent lots of time to do other activities. Playing drama at the stages, poetry reading, organizations. Most of my friends are boys. She does not like it. Not because she hates my friends, but according to her, it is not good a girl spending many times with boys. My boy friends who are visiting me always worry about my Tumi. They worry if Tumi ask them some questions or not allow me to meet them. Yeah, according Tumi, it is not good for girl to sit and talking together with boys, especially in our neighborhood. So, to make her allow me, I always keep her trust and take care of myself wherever I am. I want to prove that, I can be with anybody, but I still take care of myself and not do something forbidden.

              But she still worries about me. Especially, when I have activities and back home around midnight. She never sleeps before I arrived home safely. It makes me do some arguments with her of my parents. Our family is very open each other. She told about me to other family members, so my grandfathers or uncles or aunties called and judged me. It is very hard for me to get their permit and trust, so when finally; I got it, I really responsible for it. I want to prove that they can count on me. I really want they proud of me and never deplore to give me their trust.

              For her, everybody needs to be respect. That’s why she was very close to her student and people in our village. When they have any problems or fight each other, they come to our house to ask Tumi advices. That’s why, every hari raya, our house full with people and I cannot go anywhere. After Ied prayers, they come directly to our house to meet Tumi. Tumi is not only their teacher, but like a mother for all of them. A month after Ied, our house still full with guesses. I remember, before Ied, Tumi always change money and prepare for the children who come to our house. And she always asks me to buy Tancho shampoo in sachet for make her hair smell good for Hari Raya. On Hari Raya, Tumi always gives me lots of money for present.

              For meugang (meat day in Aceh. One day before Hari Raya and Ramadhan starting) she and others women in our family prepare the Acehnese food, such as sie reuboh, sie cuka, sie teuom, jeumphan, etc. But I escaped. I choose to prepare or decorate our house or be a driver of others or buying something than cooking. “How could you be a great woman if you cannot cook! ”hehe…. I do not know how is her feeling if she knew I cook by myself now. Not even her, my mom still not believes about it!

              Before the wedding ceremony, all of her students and most of our village’s bride come to our house to meet her. The bride asks her blessing as a mother and teacher. In the wedding ceremony day, the bride family delivers the food for Tumi and family. I always wait for it. It is really delicious. Tumi also gives something to them. At that time, I imagine, Tumi sitting close to me in my wedding ceremony. But it will never happen. She had passed away 10 years ago. She will never attend to my wedding. She ask me to accept one of my best boy friend to be my husband 11 years ago, because she thought I was big enough to get married and he also a good guy. But I did not do it. I do not want to break my friendship with him, and I am still want to be free and do many things at my young age.

              After graduated from university, I came to Jakarta to take several courses before I continue to work. On December 1994, I back to our home in Beurawe. I missed Tumi so much. At that time, her condition was not good. She cannot walk alone because of her health condition. She has osteophoresis and some old people syndrome. But her brain still works well. Although she is in very weak conditions, she still praying and read Quran continuously. She needs our help to go to toilet or for wudhuk. She still praying until the last time of her life. I heard from my mom that she still lead the people who were reading Quran around her at last minutes of her time in the world. Allahu Akbar!

              Although hard, I have to go back to Jakarta for my class around 3 of January 1995. She hopes me to stay, but I can. I fly to Jakarta. If I knew it is my last time with her, maybe I will stay. If I stay….But, God has another plans. Maybe God does not want me to see her last time in the world. Maybe it will be more hard for me to face if I was there.

Ten days after, on 12 January 1995, around 12, after finished my English course at ELSI Melawai, I went to Blok M terminal to meet my ex-class mate. He came from Jogya and we made appointment to meet. I do not know, I feel very uncomfortable the whole days. But I do not know why. I plan to call to Banda Aceh after I met him. While waiting him, I received several messages from my pager. I called to Banda Aceh, and my family told me that Tumi just fly to another world. I do not believe what I heard. I just talked to her yesterday. I call to Abucik house in Lebak Bulus. Micik, abucik’s wife, told me it is true. Our Umi Abasiah just passed away several hours ago. Innalillahi wa innailahi rajiun….

They will fly to Banda Aceh tomorrow, because no more flight for that day. I want to back to Aceh, but my father and my grandfather not allow me. “She had gone. Although you back here, you will not meet her anymore. Everything will be done today. Please keep strong and prays to her. Because wherever you are, your prayers will send directly to her by God!” So, I never see her funeral and her last smile. I wrote a long letter to my grandfather to share my feelings. My tears were flowing when I wrote it.

I feel like a leaf release from the tree. Flying by the wind to the place that I never know. So light and empty. I do not want to believe what I heard. But it is true. I have to face it.Tumi had gone. I just feel very sad, not because she passed away, but because I was not there when she leaved us. If I could be beside her before she back to the God….

My friend had come. I told him about what had happened. He say his condolences and ask me to be strong. Yes, he is right. I have to be strong and Ikhlas. My tears were falling down when I pray to her. I remember her smiles, her words, and our times in the past. He took me back to Lebak Bulus and cancel all of our plans. I meet my families and share our hugs to be strongs. Everybody was crying and praying. Everybody just lost a very great person.

Her furneral had finished before Maghrib. Everything was going smooth. Everybody was there. I just imagine, how is the situation in our house on that time.

There were many people came to our house everyday for her. Our house is full with people who want to pray for her and reading Quran together. They are our neighborhoods, friends, relatives, Tumi’s student, penjual di pasar, nyakwa tirom, and people unknowns. Most of them ever touch their lives with Tumi, as students, friends, or children. She teach us how to read Quran and pray, and now we read Quran and pray for her wherever we are. We love her, we want Allah swt forgive all of her sins and put her in the best place in the next world. We believe it is a better way for her.

When I back to Banda Aceh after her funeral, I still buy chocolates for her. I feel like she still her. I can feel her life in the flower that grows in our garden, in the smile of our family, in the voice of Dayah’s members when they are reading Quran, in the deep of my heart. I sit at her room and praying for her using her Quran. I hope she could go to the heaven in the next life. Sometimes, I met her in my dreams. Especially when I face troubles. She talks and share smiles to cheer me up. And also when I am not very religious or not reading Quran for long time, she came to talk to me. To remind me.

Today, August 1, 96 years ago, Umi Abasiah was born to the world in Beurawe. Like other babies, she entered the world with crying, then she grew up in many conditions, but she always smiles and faces everything patiently. She believed, that Allah swt, always with her and loves her. Her 85 years old 6 months in the world had touched many people life. She tough us to be a good one and to care about anyone.

She had gone 10 years ago, but what she had shared during her life still here and grows. She still lives inside of our heart. And we still remember what she had taught us in the past.  Like jasmines in our garden, still grow and share good smell in every morning.

Umi Abasiah, a mother and teacher of everyone, I hope I could be like you and more people like you, so our world can keep peace.

(Kyoto, 1 August 2005)