winasw1

Are you single?

WinaSW1

“Are you still single?

How old are you?”

Ouch, you are not married?”

“You are 37 and not married? How could? Come on, girl! No kidding! I already have 3 children at your age!!”

“Oow… my dear class-mate, do you know, my daughter will study at university this year!”

“What are you looking for, girl? When will you get married?”

“What is wrong with that guy? Why do you reject his propose?” “What are your criteria? Do not set standard so high!”

“Let’s me introduce you to someone. He is good enough for you. He is gentle, kind, bla bla bla…”

You are thirties now. What are you waiting for? Do you know it is not easy to find someone for your age? Do you want a younger one? How about a widow gentleman? We want to see our grandchildren, so do not reject his proposal. Do you want to live alone forever, honey? Am I not good enough for you? Bla bla bla….

If you are a woman, over 30 years old and do not get married yet, you will face similar questions wherever you go. Sometimes people look at you curiously. Some of them will ‘discuss’ about you directly or behind you. Some people will question you or they will offer you many solutions and suggestions.

And if you life in a village, as a perawan tua (old-virgin girl) they will look at you like you have something wrong and they will make you as a ‘model’ when they persuade their daughters to get married soon. Your friends, family or relatives, try to introduce you to many ‘good’ guys. They will arrange someone to you. Sometimes, they forced you to accept it, neither has you wanted it or not. They will give you many reasons that make you feel guilty to reject.

What they want is…find someone for you and make both of you getting married. If it happened, they feel very happy. After the wedding party finished, it will be up to you. They finished their duty. It is your life; all the responsible for next step will be yours. Your new story will be started. It is not easy to be a single woman over 30, especially when you live in a community who care so much about each other. It becomes more complicated and more difficult if most of everybody know you. As a public figure, you will receive many curiosities. Sometime it will create a pressure.

So what will you do? Will you hiding in a place where nobody can meet and question you? So, nobody will find and care about you. Will you angry to God and people around you? Will you run-away from it by forcing yourself work harder then usually? Will you pretend you already married or have someone? Will you grab anybody to be yours? Or you still face it normally and continue your life? And why did you do this way? How long you will hide and for what purposes?

Hiding in a place where nobody can find you. It is also means you are hiding from yourself and your happiness. You are afraid to face the fact, so you run away. So, your happiness also will run away from you, too. By hiding, you will lose many great chances to change your future. You will always in the same world, in the darkness and loneliness. How stupid and cruel you are. You punished yourself like a prisoner. Put your own life in darkness like no way out.

What is the benefit will you get if you blame the God or people around you about your faith? Will your anger make you become better? Will your fate change? What’s wrong with them? Why your blame them only because you cannot have a spouse? Is it because they already found their soul mate and you do not yet? Do they do something to you? Do they make you cannot find your soul mate and not getting married until now? Is it because of them? Or you are angry to them because they always questioned you? Or maybe you feel jealous of their happiness? So why do not you create your own happiness?

Why God is become a victim of your disappointed feeling? Is it because God created you and put you in this kind of life? Is it because you think that God not treated you well? Do you think God treat you unfairly? Or the fact is…you not thank to the God that already created someone special for you.

He is somewhere now but you cannot reach him because you do not try hard to find him. You are busy to blame others about your fate. You have no time to think it clearly and set your way to get your luck. By run away and sink yourself in your work, will your fate change? Yeah, you will improve your job skill and level. Maybe you will go to the top of your career. But will it change your private life? Will it kill your loneliness and make you find a solution?

You just runaway and forget to open your eyes to see how a great opportunity offer you a way to get something else. Pretending that you have somebody that you don’t, it is only make you a liar. You are lying to yourself and people around you. You will get an artificial happiness but not the real ones.

Why are you pretending? Is it to make people impress or to make you look better? Do you feel better, do you look better, do people impress of you because of what you have done? How about yourself? How do you feel inside your heart? Are you happy? People do many ways to face this problem.

I do not understand, why many women choose to run away or hiding or pretending to face the fact of not getting married yet? Why do not they just life normally and face everything with confidence? Yeah, everyone is not the same. But one you should remember that whatever you do, people would always judge you or give comments about you. You are married or you are not married, people will always have something to comment about.

Everybody wants to life normally. People born, enjoy the young-aged, fall in love, get married, have children and life happily ever after. But the way of life of every people is not the same. There are not all people get lucky and find their spouse easily. Some people only need a few times to fall in love and get married. Some people spend a long time to be somebody lover before they become husband-wife. Some people have to change spouse many times until they found the one. Some people getting married with people they do not love. Some of us are getting married just because everybody has to get married. Some people getting married but then get divorce. Some people decided not to get married for many reasons. Some people want to get married, but they cannot find their spouse.

Where are you? Do you already find your soul mate and life happily ever after? Do you already have a happy family, with pretty kids? Congrats! How about you? Do you get married with someone you don’t love? Do you get married only because you have to? Do you still in the progress to be somebody wife? Do you run away from the real world and decide not to get married?

Or you are like me? You are still alone because you do not find your spouse yet? Are you ashamed because you are too old to get married and you are not married yet? Or you do not care about it? Why do not you just enjoy your life? Getting married or not getting married is not a sin! You do not need to feel shy or loss your self-confidence because of it.

Your life will not end only because you are single at thirties. There are many other good things and opportunities that can make you happy. Just wake and grab it! Do not let time pass with emptiness. You can fill all your time with happiness. No matters you are single, married or divorce. Do not punish yourself and jail your heart in darkness. You can shine your life if you want.

Take a mirror and look at your self! Who are you? How are you looking like? What do you want to be? Look! How many great things do you have? What is your potential? What are your positive things? Are you pretty, smart and sexy? Or you feel you are not pretty enough, you are not sexy enough, and you do not have anything that makes you proud or confidence? Do not make any judgments before you explore yourself.

Nobody’s perfect. But everybody has something special inside himself or herself. God creates us with different patterns and potentialities. No matter who you are, everybody is special. Nobody’s same, even though the twins. It is what make human unique.

Try to explore yourself. Do not ever underestimate yourself. It is only will make you lost self-confidence. Try to find your positive and negative things. Improve your positive things and reduce the negative ones. What is your best thing? What people love about you? Keep it!

What people do not like about you? What do you hate about yourself? Eliminate and control it. Do not make it tied you in unexpected world. If you could manage everything, you should control your pride. It is better to keep low profile with high performance.

It is time to start a new life. Please find the bad and the good side of yours, and then manage them. You have to try to reduce your bad things and improve your positive sides. It is not easy, but you can do it step by step. I am trying to imply it to myself. Because I found, I had so many bad sides that I have to correct.

Every normal people want to have somebody. It is natural. As a normal woman, I have the same expectation. I want to have somebody beside me. I had passed a long journey to find him, but I still cannot find him yet. And I still cannot find the reason why.

There are so many good men around me. Some of them offered their heart to me. Some of them want to be my guard and protected me. Some of them want to share his whole life with me. Am I too perfectionist? No. I am not a perfect woman. I am just and ordinary girl. But, I do not mind to make them disappointed by rejected their proposals.It is not because I am better than them. No!

For me, it is better to say no than trying to accept them. I have no feeling to them. I cannot pretend that I like them only because I am afraid to make them disappointed. There is nothing wrong with them. Most of them are almost perfect. Some people around me think that I will be very lucky if I accept one of them. It is not because I underestimate or feel better than one of them.

Never! I like them as friends but not as a lover. I cannot change my feeling. I try to figure out, why I can love them. Some of my friends (girls) almost dying to be their one. I just find that I am not in love with. And I do not want to be with somebody I do not love. No matter how great he is. I want to be with somebody I can share with and make me feel ease. I want to do the same thing for him.

I am 37 now and I am still alone. I want to get married, have a great husband and pretty kids. But I do not know when it becomes real. Maybe it is too late for my age. But, I believe, I will made it.

In the village sides in my country, women at my ages already have teenager kids or ready to prepare her daughters wedding. I am still alone.hehe…

Yeah.. sometimes I feel something empty and missing inside me. But I do not want to put myself in a cage and spending my time only to think about it. It is only make me weak and loss other chances. Time never wait for anything. I do not want to loss other happiness only because I cannot get this one. I believe, God have a great plan for me.

Maybe there are so many things that I have to do and manage before I share my life with my family. My single jobs are not finished yet. Maybe God wants me to enjoy my single life longer than other else. Who knows? What I know is, just continue my life, try to do many great things, get and create my own happiness and share it to people around me.

Life is too short, so why don’t we fill it with something great as much as possible? Enjoy your single time. Maybe you are luckier than married women. You still have much time to do what do you like, go anywhere, manage your own live. You do not need to discuss or think if you want to go somewhere or to do something. Enjoy your time alone while you are searching your charming prince! He will find you! Just be ready!

Yeah, I am 37, single, but I enjoy my time. I believe, I will find Mr. Right in the future. It is only about time. While waiting for him, why do not fill our live with many great thinks. Think that how lucky we are because we have many great chances to explore ourselves.

Maybe, God still give us an opportunity to share to the world, to enjoy our individual time. So do not be sad. Wake up, girl! Happiness is waiting for you. Go and grab your happiness! Cheer your life up and be ready for the ones!

(Kyoto, June 2006)

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 19th, 2007 at 1:29 am and is filed under my notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.